How to Try DIY Financial Therapy with a Feelings-Before-Spending Checklist

When money feels tangled with stress, guilt, or “I’ll deal with this later,” it’s easy for emotional or “doom” spending to take over. Many recent guides describe emotional spending as a coping strategy driven by anxiety, boredom, celebration, or deeper money beliefs—not as a simple budgeting failure or lack of willpower. DIY financial therapy is about gently noticing those patterns, not shaming yourself for them.

A “feelings-before-spending” checklist gives you a practical way to pause, scan what’s really going on, and make choices that fit your values as well as your budget. It borrows ideas from financial therapy, emotional spending research, and mindful budgeting—but you guide the process.

Below is a step-by-step framework you can adapt.

Values warm‑up: before any checklist

Before we build a checklist or a matrix, pause with three prompts. These help you define what “good decision” means for you, not for anyone else.

What do I want money to protect or make possible in the next 1–3 years?
Think: stability, debt reduction, flexibility, experiences, rest, education, home, giving.
How do I want my day‑to‑day spending to feel?
For example: calm, intentional, generous, light, spacious, playful, or simple.
When I look at my spending a month from now, what would make me feel proud?
Maybe that you honored one key value (security, health, creativity, relationships), even if everything wasn’t perfect.

Keep your answers nearby; we’ll translate them into criteria and weights.

Why feelings-first matters in DIY financial therapy

Multiple sources describe emotional spending as unplanned purchases driven by heightened emotions—stress, grief, celebration, boredom, or anxiety—rather than by a clear, planned need or budget check-in. This pattern can feel good in the moment (thanks to a quick dopamine hit) but often leads to debt, money stress, and regret later on, especially when “retail therapy” becomes a default coping strategy instead of a once-in-a-while treat (Sources 1, 2, 3, 4).

Recent articles on “doom spending” describe it as another emotional pattern: spending in response to anxiety about the future or a desire to feel in control amid uncertainty. It might briefly boost your mood, but often worsens stress, guilt, and financial strain over time (Source 6).

Financial therapy as a field looks at these patterns in a broader way. The Financial Therapy Association defines it as a process that blends therapeutic and financial competencies to help people think, feel, communicate, and behave differently with money, across cognitive, emotional, behavioral, relational, and financial domains (Source 8). Guides on financial therapy stress that effective work often involves exploring:

Feelings before, during, and after spending (Sources 7, 9).
Past money experiences and the beliefs (or “money scripts”) that formed around them (Sources 9, 11).
Current habits like overspending, avoidance, or using shopping as an “emotional band-aid” (Source 10).

A DIY checklist can’t replace professional support, but it can borrow some of these ideas: slowing down, naming emotions, checking assumptions, and choosing behaviors that support your long-term well-being.

Step 1: Look back with a spending-and-feelings journal

Before you change future spending, gently review the recent past. Several guides recommend reviewing the last two weeks of purchases and asking:

What was I feeling before, during, and after each purchase?
Which emotions tend to lead to unplanned buys (for example, stress, boredom, celebration)?
Which purchases felt aligned with my long-term goals—and which felt like quick fixes?

(Source 7 and the expert summary)

You can do this in a notebook or alongside a simple spending tracker. If you already use a tool like Monee to log spending by category, you can scan past months to see which categories spike during certain moods—for example, takeout when you’re exhausted, or online shopping during late-night anxiety. That “category pattern” becomes practical data to feed into your checklist and matrix.

Research on emotional and doom spending also suggests tracking what was happening around you (emails, social media, sales, BNPL offers) and the payment method (cash, card, buy now pay later), because these can ramp up impulses (Sources 2, 3, 4, 6). Noticing those patterns helps you design specific questions and “friction” steps that actually fit your life.

Step 2: Build your feelings-before-spending checklist

Across the sources, a practical checklist shares some common elements:

Name the feeling.
Emotional spending often happens under heightened emotions like stress, grief, celebration, boredom, or anxiety (Sources 2, 4, 6). First question:
- What am I feeling right now, in one or two words?
Spot the risk combination: heightened emotion + unplanned purchase.
Emotional spending tends to be unplanned and tied to strong feelings (Sources 2, 4). Ask:
- Was this purchase planned in my budget?
- Did I come here to buy this, or did I just see it?
Clarify essentials vs. nonessentials.
Several guides recommend asking whether the purchase is essential and how it fits your budget (Sources 1, 2, 4):
- Is this essential, or is it more of a want right now?
- How does this fit my current budget or plan for the month?
- Can I afford this without creating or increasing debt?
Align with values and long-term goals.
Emotional spending becomes less harmful when everyday choices connect to your larger goals and values (Sources 1, 3, 5, 7):
- How does this purchase support what I said I want in the next 1–3 years?
- Does this feel consistent with how I want my day-to-day spending to feel?
Check future feelings.
Experts recommend asking how you’ll feel tomorrow or next month (Sources 1, 2, expert summary):
- If I imagine myself tomorrow or next month, how do I think I’ll feel about this purchase?
- Will I be glad I did this—or will I feel stressed or regretful?
Pause with a time rule.
Many sources recommend a cooling-off period: an Hour Rule for smaller purchases and a 24-hour rule (or longer) for bigger nonessential buys (Sources 1, 2, 3, 5, expert summary):
- For smaller nonessential buys: wait at least an hour.
- For larger nonessential or emotionally intense buys: wait 24 hours or more.
Add friction.
Creating small obstacles helps emotional intensity fade so you can think clearly (Sources 1, 3, 6):
- Pay with cash instead of cards when possible.
- Remove stored cards from shopping sites or apps.
- Unsubscribe from marketing emails and turn off push alerts.
Ask about money scripts.
Money scripts are often unconscious beliefs formed in response to past financial pain and can drive overspending, hoarding, or enabling (Source 11). Try:
- What belief about money is driving this urge? (e.g., “I never get nice things,” “If I don’t spend now, it’ll all disappear.”)
- Where might that belief have come from?
- Is this belief fully true in my current situation?
Scan relationships.
Financial therapy often explores relational dynamics—conflicts, secrecy, or people-pleasing around money (Sources 8, 9, 10, 12):
- If I go through with this purchase, how might it affect my partner, family, or housemates?
- Would I feel okay sharing this decision with them?
Offer non-spending alternatives.
Several sources emphasize replacing emotional spending with healthier coping strategies, such as movement, mindfulness, hobbies, or connection with others (Sources 5, 6, 7, 10, expert summary):
- If the main goal is to change how I feel, what could I do that doesn’t involve spending?

You can print these as a one-page checklist, save them in your phone, or copy them into a journal you use at the point of decision.

Step 3: Turn your checklist into a weighted decision matrix

Now let’s translate that checklist into a simple weighted matrix you can reuse for different spending decisions.

1. Choose your criteria and weights (1–5)

From your values warm‑up and checklist, pick 4–6 criteria that matter most when you’re deciding whether to spend. Examples:

Emotional relief right now
Alignment with long-term goals
Fit with monthly budget
Alignment with core values (e.g., health, relationships)
Likely feelings tomorrow/next month
Impact on relationships/household

Assign each a weight from 1–5 based on importance to you (5 = very important, 1 = less important).

2. Set up a blank matrix

Here’s a blank template you can adapt:

Criteria	Option A: Buy now	Option B: Wait 24 hrs	Option C: Don’t buy	Option D: Cheaper/low-spend alternative
Emotional relief now	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5
Fit with monthly budget	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5
Alignment with long-term goals	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5
Values alignment (your top value)	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5
Feelings tomorrow/next month	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5
Impact on relationships/household	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5	Score 1–5

For each option, you’ll:

Give a score from 1–5 on each criterion (5 = excellent fit, 1 = poor fit).
Multiply the score by the weight.
Add up the weighted scores for each option to get a total.

This doesn’t tell you what you “have to” do. It simply makes the trade‑offs visible.

3. Stress-test the decision

Once you’ve filled in the matrix:

Identify your top two weights (for example, “Fit with monthly budget” and “Emotional relief now”).
Swap their weights and recalculate the totals.

If a small change in weights flips your decision, that tells you:

This choice is sensitive to your priorities in this moment.
You may be negotiating between short-term relief and long-term stability.

Use that insight to clarify: “For this decision, what am I okay giving up? What am I not okay giving up?”

Step 4: Use the checklist in a real emotional or doom-spending moment

When you notice a strong urge to spend—especially if it feels like relief, escape, or “the world is burning anyway”—you can move through a short version of this process.

Pause and label.
- “Right now I’m feeling ___ (anxious, bored, lonely, celebratory).”
  Emotional and doom spending often show up exactly here, under intense feelings (Sources 2, 4, 6). Naming the emotion is already a win.
Check plan + essentials.
- “Did I plan for this?”
- “Is it essential?”
- “How does this fit my budget?” (Sources 1, 2, 4)
Apply your time rule.
- For smaller nonessential buys: Hour Rule.
- For larger or highly emotional buys: 24-hour rule or longer (Sources 1, 2, 3, 5).
Run the key questions from your checklist.
- “How will I feel tomorrow/next month if I do this?” (Sources 1, 2)
- “How does this align with my long-term goals and values?” (Sources 1, 3, 5, 7)
- “Is this urge tied to a money story like ‘I deserve this because everything is hard’?” (Source 11)
Optionally sketch the matrix.
Keep it simple: maybe just Option A (buy now), Option B (wait), Option C (don’t buy), and one or two top criteria. You don’t need perfect numbers; rough scores can still make the trade‑offs clearer.
Choose one non-spending alternative.
Draw from the coping strategies highlighted in the sources—movement, mindfulness, hobbies, social connection, or journaling about the feeling itself (Sources 5, 6, 7, 10). Pick one to try before you revisit the purchase.

Even if you go ahead with the purchase, you’ve practiced pausing, naming, and choosing—key skills in both DIY financial therapy and mindful spending.

Step 5: Know when DIY is not enough

Self-guided tools have limits. Several sources outline red flags suggesting that it may be time to seek professional support, such as a financial therapist or mental-health professional:

You repeat the same money mistakes despite trying to change (Source 12).
You notice inherited money beliefs (“money is always unsafe,” “spending proves I’m successful”) that no longer fit, but feel hard to shift (Sources 11, 12).
You’re dealing with intense money anxiety, compulsive spending, or paralysis around financial decisions (Sources 9, 10, 12).
There is ongoing relationship conflict over money, secrecy, or financial infidelity (Sources 9, 10, 12).
Your money history includes significant financial trauma, and trying to work on it alone feels overwhelming (Sources 9, 10, 12).

Financial therapy focuses on the “why” behind money habits, not just the “what” of budgets (Sources 8, 9, 12). It often involves exploring past experiences, emotions, money scripts, and relationships in a structured way, using techniques that are best handled by trained clinicians (Sources 8, 9, 10, 11). If your situation matches these patterns, your checklist and matrix can still be useful—but ideally as tools you explore with a professional, not instead of one.

Step 6: Your commitment and de-risking plan

If you’d like to try DIY financial therapy with a feelings-before-spending checklist, you might end with a short personal commitment and a de-risking plan.

You could write something like:

My commitment:
“For the next four weeks, I will use my feelings-before-spending checklist for any unplanned purchase above [your chosen amount]. I will pause at least [1 hour/24 hours] before deciding, and I will choose one non-spending coping option each time I notice an intense urge to buy.”
What I’m okay giving up:
“I’m okay giving up some instant relief and a few spontaneous treats, in exchange for more stability, less money anxiety, and spending that matches my values.”
What I’m not okay giving up:
“I’m not okay giving up my basic needs, my sense of safety, or my key goals over the next 1–3 years.”
De-risking actions for the next month (choose 2–4):
- Review the last two weeks of spending with a feelings lens, noting triggers and patterns (Source 7).
- Set a specific spending limit that triggers your checklist and time rule (Sources 1, 2, 5).
- Create a small, clearly defined “fun money” amount for guilt‑free joy, within your budget (Source 5).
- Add one or two pieces of friction: pay with cash more often, remove stored cards, and unsubscribe from tempting marketing (Sources 1, 3, 6).
- Keep a simple spending-and-feelings journal where you log mood and context with each purchase (Sources 6, 7, expert summary).

A decision made—even imperfectly—is more powerful than a perfect decision endlessly delayed. This checklist and matrix are not about never spending or erasing emotion; they’re about giving your feelings a clear, compassionate place before you spend, so your money choices can better support your mental health, your values, and the life you’re building.